R.I.P
ThePinkBird 3.6.2004 - 5.8.2006
“Writers are not just people who sit down and write.
They hazard themselves. Every time you compose, composition of yourself is at stake….
[but], we're always attracted to the edges of what we are,
out by the edges where it's a little raw and nervy.”
– E.L. Doctorow
My xanga time has come to an end, as I am too old for one of these.
Outgrowing something is a bittersweet process. Regardless, it’s time to part ways and
leave behind the remnants of my thoughts, lost in translation. And with that, I write this
last entry…
I’ve noticed that I use writing as an outlet. Some of my best scribblings are the product of suppressed emotional inconsistencies.
Reading back on these excerpts though, I realize that I just like to write, with no intention of discovering resolution,
and with no intention of orchestrating change. I choose to shed layers only through experiences that renew me.
It deviates from my Type B personality, but
I’m not the type to hurt for inspiration . . .
I’m kind of a weird cookie, you know this whether you know me well, or not.
But, I am consistent in that I am true to staying true. I don’t believe in camouflage or
candycoats. When it comes to everything that matters, I am anchored. My colors are
many, but I am not iridescent. At any one angle you may stand, I am distinctly cobalt,
crimson, or lemon…not questionably greenish-blue or reddish-orange. I say what I mean
and I mean what I say, with actions that parallel. With me, what you see is what you get.
For the past year, one thought reliably circulated amidst the variable. Everything
was up in the air— I could be anywhere by mid 2006 and…I was tempted to leave
it all behind. As it settles now, I realize temptation was but a euphemism. I knew that 23
would be my year of revolution. Being uprooted was the catalyst to liberating the highest magnitude
of harnessed potential. Suddenly, I am so ready. I am ready to jump from these milestones
onto the greater boulders of life. Whatever you may be, take me to the edge.
I won’t cling on for dear life, I’ll dive to live. The age of brush-off is over,
and I'm going to take everything for what it’s worth.
It's gonna rain, and I'm gonna let it pour.
I am a firm believer of balance…a true, defining relationship between two people must
be equal. Otherwise, one person is a chump…and what’s remarkable about that? When it
comes to deeper waters, I subconsciously morph. It’s difficult for even me to understand, but
I know that I feel the zeal of my biggest fan and the wrath of my fiercest critic, both of which
entities are...me and myself. But I keep them both happy. I am not a derivative of a faltering
choice…
I’d never allow myself to be anyone’s option, ever.
The grass is green wherever you are, and the glass is just merely being occupied.
The trivial analysis of a greener grass or a fuller glass leaves the mind wandering the crevices
of the uncontrollable. It’s a pair of shackles that drives away sanity while sheltering psychotic
tendencies. Does it really matter who said what, and who did what to whom? Nope. Does it
really matter why shit happens? Nope, again. Living freely is an active process, and
it does not do to dwell.
I am a selective barrier—I let the good in, and I keep the bad out. I am not one to preach, but
I read a quote a while ago that I personally think applies to the atrocious sides of behavior. To every hater,
and to all that plead guilty to falling short of decency…you are your own downfall.
What you tell yourself, you will be. Who you allow yourself to be reflects what you have told yourself you are.
A presence bruised with decadence is so strong, and so unattractive.
And wrapping up
with the people
I hold closest…
You’ve seen me through it all and put up with my biggest loads of bullshit.
You love me when I’m the ugliest shade of cacabrown that really, shouldn’t see the light of
day, but it surfaces occasionally anyway. You have taught me what it means to be
unconditional and every good that is in me, has stemmed from you.
It was you, and always you, who perpetually believed
in all that I was made to be.
The most significant Thank You I will ever extend.
To the seeds from which I sprung,
My Mother and Father.
***
People say your friends are a reflection of yourself. To that I say, damn you guys make me look good.
The most genuine and most sincere—you redefine the highest caliber of friendship…
My closest bunch, no one else comes close to you.
You always bring out the absolute best in me, and for that, I am forever grateful. You are the
cream of my crop, and I am keeping you. From the most frivolous play to the deepest life
altering changes, you are in my book. Wherever you are, whatever you do, right or wrong…
I’ll be there to break through with you.
MELANIE KWONG || HIRUMI NANAYAKKARA || NOBORU ITO || VICKY CHOI || DAVID LAI || DIANE LY
ADRIENNE JEONG || DENISE KHAW || GEORGE AQUINO || CHESTON KWAN || ALLAN CHEN || ANDREW CHEN || EUGENE FOWLER || KUNAL DUDHEKER || UNJALI GUJRAL || SAM TRUONG
Tides change as the season of goodbye lingers,
all the while a new wave crashes.
Goodbye Irvine, Goodbye San Francisco, Goodbye California. Hello and welcome Phase II.
.bigger
than
my
body.
Keep it simple. Keep it real.
The end is only the beginning. | 
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